Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
