I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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