I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
