Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
