God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
