i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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