The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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