I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
