What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
