I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
