porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
