Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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