I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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