Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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