if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
