I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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