we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
