I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
