I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
