yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
