dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
