If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
