Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
