I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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