so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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