I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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