you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
