I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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