Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
