Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
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Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
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I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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