I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
is it fun? or sober?
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