I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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