I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
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I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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