I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
