you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
