I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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