We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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