I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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