I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
