where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
