If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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