but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
