He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
