i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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