Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
