I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
