In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
