It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
he just fucked me for my cheese.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize