woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Green mimosas i think yes
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
