I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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