Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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