GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...