I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro