it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
ttyl tear gas
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
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I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.