awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
