I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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