I've blown a few things in my day
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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