party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
