He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize