does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
