I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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