Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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