After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
