you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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